I panicked when I heard this phrase because I believed I had no way of working out what my passions actually were. I had been so caught up in trying to be good at everything that I had forgotten to truly consider what the fire in my belly was. I did things with my life that made me happy but I had never interrogated if it was part of my soul’s fuel or not. I read once, that to find out what they were (and it scares me that we all have to be reminded on how to do this sometimes) you had to work out what you most naturally reach for when you are happy.
In the jumble of modern life, I had to sit back and listen to happiness. Not fleeting smiles or laughter, but happiness. The inner sunshine. And when I saw it, this was my list:
music: dancing to primarily but also listening to and, when no-one’s listening, singing or playing along to
photography: capturing those life moments because time is the one thing you never get back
being of service: not in a subservient, self-effacing or patronising way but an empowering way
writing: because I’ve always done it. my past is littered with old notes, part-filled notebooks and scraps of paper
nature: in all its captivating truths, confronting beauty,limitless variety, and relevatory power – seen most by travelling
So I made a choice.
Hence the blogs, finally pursuing the career I’ve always aimed for, and the new roles I’m still drawing into vision before I can realise them.
Then I panicked again, because I heard ‘follow your passion’ as ‘do what you are good at’. And, of course, then that little bug called ‘esteem’ wandered onto the horizon, making that annoying buzzing noise as it got closer. Because, whatever I think I am okay at, there is always someone better. When I started my photography blog, I nearly closed it down after a couple of days. I saw what other people are achieving vs me and my little iPhone snaps and balked. There was no way I could compare. That’s the way I chose to look at it.
Then I made a choice.
I saw that people post photos over and over about one single subject matter without being boring at all. Sometimes, shots are a little out of focus, totally tweaked by filters or clearly only resonating with some people; that too was okay. So I stopped comparing and I continued.
I choose to see that, instead of my photography blog making some big announcement about me, that it’s just joined in a much bigger and beautiful dialogue of images around the world. I continue blogging in the wake of those who understand ISO and f stops. I continue blogging in the wake of beautiful poets and erudite commentators. I choose to sing when the house is empty and I may occasionally pull a pirrouette in the living room. One day I will make it into the outback and find another universe where the horizon stretches beyond that which I can see. I will make it back to spending more hours in service and contribution.
The fire has been rekindled and life is so much grander for it. And thank you, those whom I follow, for keeping me on track as you blaze the trail in front of me.
Live your life so that when it’s time to ask where the time went, you can answer: “It went to joyful moments with family and friends, to my search for passion, to doing work that felt like play, to standing up for what I believe in, and to exploring this beautiful world we live in with an open heart.” – Marcandangel.com