I walked back from buying my lunch today and passed a kindred spirit, the most unlikely of spirits with which to connect of a day. It was a bus. It had somewhere to go and beings to ferry towards their purpose, but it couldn’t get itself started. No matter how much the engine choked and revved, the wheels couldn’t turn. It wasn’t going to serve much today. Not in its own sense of being or helping others get closer to theirs. I paused for a second and smiled sympathetically. It is indeed one of those days.
There are days when I simply don’t add up. It’s not that I’m not enough, or too much, just that what usually feels coherent and comforting now feels disjointed and dysfunctional. On a good day, I know that 2+2=4. On days like today, it’s more like 2+2=y?
On days like today, thoughts wade through brain treacle instead of zipping around in hysterical laughter, coming up with all sorts of happy random nonsense. Instead they trudge around wearily trying to find the end of sentences or resolutions but without any motivation of conviction.
People bounce today. Straight off the bubble in which I indolently roll past time until I hit bed at the other end. If they are daft enough to try to get sense from me, they give up soon. For hours like this, I’m alone, with little distinction between the yawns between my ears and the words they utter. It’s not that I don’t care, just that I can’t assimilate. Not through the bubble.
Today, I feel like that bus. Not sad, not useless, just a bit of a non-starter. We all have days like this. So today, whilst my life appears to spool past like an antiquated film reel for just one day, I smile at the bus and to myself. I take a mind-rest. Today is not a bad day, there is just clearly something that my brain needs to work on without my consciousness. So be it.
In the meantime, I hope you are all blazing trails merrily. I will re-join you all tomorrow.