Today I am nearly 37 years old. I look at my years and I am proud of where I am headed. I have control of the big old ship and I am slowly turning it in what feels like the right direction. I can see decades of learning behind me and how each of them have shaped me to be ready to honour where I’ve come from and head towards new horizons. I am not as far along as many, depending on the benchmark, but I am happily settling into the captain’s role of my own journey.
Today I am 13,459 days old, and what a thought! Suddenly the perspective shifts. Suddenly what is important is not the overall flow of life but what I have done with each wave and ripple. Suddenly, I wonder if I could have bobbed a little more merrily on some occasions, rather than trying to remain anchored to a particular rock or sea floor. Suddenly I look back and see how long some lessons took to make and how subsumed I became with other people’s deals.
Today I am nearly 13,460 days old and I suddenly wonder what I will do with the rest of today. I feel into my slight headache and suddenly thank it for flagging that I am resisting something, no matter how gently. I remember that I awoke centred today and that there is nothing stopping me from returning to that state. I remember that it is this balance of easy and jarring moments that makes me realise that I am alive and not just existing, that I am pushing beyond what ‘just is’. I sit back into my chair and every cell in my body suddenly remembers how much love and life I am surrounded with every single day.
By the weekend, I will be 13,462 days old and I am lucky. I am lucky because I have no reason to know when the count will stop going up. And I am lucky because today I am inspired to not count the days but to make them count.
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