Just as meditation each day will not stop life’s challenges, finding your perfect person will not stop heartache. But just as meditation will make it easier to let the challenges go, the perfect person will help you appreciate your reality.
My perfect person is, by definition, very different to yours. They are erudite, witty, and the great of company. Their compassion and integrity are just as fluently woven into their being, weaving a web of support around those who are in need without a glimmer of judgement or impatience. Their gaze is ever soft and they own any time that it’s not, to grow further and higher and brighter. They are rarely riled by the day to day minutiae or crippling infrastructure that surrounds us. Instead they diligently and mindfully make their own lives, and by virtue of connection, the lives around them better.
My perfect person knows how to joyful without ego. They know how to lean into happiness without undermining it for themselves or anyone else. But they also understand how to do it without insisting others join the dance. Just as they harness the ripples of their short-time anger to be expelled then smoothed into a deeper understanding.
I could go on, but you get the point. My perfect person is a mere saint. I’m sure yours is too. But there will be nuances that yours contains that I would have never considered as our perfect people are unique combinations of qualities of those we have met and admired, those we have known and rejected and who we aspire to be. Let’s face it, our perfect person is who we would love to be on the best of our days.
But how does that help us with reality? Because the next step is to realise that not only do we judge ourselves against that so-called perfection each and every day, but we judge everyone else too. Every time we berate ourselves for something, it’s for slipping further away from our gold standard. And every time we are triggered by someone else, it’s because they are misaligned or threatening an invisible benchmark to which they are being held accountable.
I’m not very good at fun and I squirm at others having raucous fun in front of me. That whole sentiment is thanks to my perfect person. When arrogance or ignorance wades into a conversation, I believe it is my right to be indignant. But truly, is it? Learning who your perfect person is allows you to finally uncover the biases and the judgements you subconsciously cast. Learning your definition allows you to see why some people get to you so much.
Seeing your perfect person in true outline is not about learning to question your standards. But it is about your right to hold the entire world accountable to them. What has been an ever-evolving persona growing subconsciously over the years had been defining your interactions since its birth. It’s one thing if they’re chipping away at your self confidence, it’s another if it’s wriggling the rug from under your relationships with loved ones. After all, variety is verily the spice and source of life.
Don’t know how to see your perfect person? Tune into that inner voice when you hear it next, singing your praises at someone else’s expense or cutting you to the quick. The next time that voice pulls you to retreat or catapult you forward in fear, listen and see it for what it is. And ask yourself, does that perfection make you happy, loved and connected. Because I’ll wager that your life, like mine, will be infinitely softer and brighter, most beautifully and poetically IMperfect.